Life goes on …

What now?

My dearest friend’s husband passed away, after they were together for almost forty years. She is exhausted from more than two years of being his caregiver day and night. She gave up her job, her activities with friends, basically her whole life to care for him. Now, he’s gone. What now?

Dealing with the mourning of losing a loved one is difficult enough. The extreme dedication and concentrated effort of a caregiver shrinks their world to providing focused care, with few breaks. Relearning how to be comfortable again without that focus, and regaining the strength from unrelenting responsibility takes time.

I am asking for words of wisdom on how a person starts over to rebuild their life, if anyone cares to share.


6 comments on “Life goes on …

  1. June, I read your posts all the time on WC but this is the first time I have stumbled onto your blog. I was primary care giver to Dad, Mom and my brother. After losing dad and brother there was mom to think about so I went back to life pretty quick but when I lost Mom I had to then take guardianship of a special needs sister so there wasn’t even time to grieve. I had so many things to do, cleaning out the house to make it safe for sister, getting programs set in place for her so she wouldn’t have to leave the only home she knew, etc. I missed Mom daily (still do) but there was just so much to do. On the one year anniversary, I knew my husband would be at work so I planned out a grieving day. I sat down at my computer, opened a word document and wrote to Mom all the things that had been going on for the past year. I typed and bawled, typed and bawled. Tears can be so cleansing. Long story short I try to open that document every year and add to it. Just little things I would tell mom if I could (we were best friends, she being an artist too). I can be such a help just to talk it out, even if the person cannot see or hear it.
    Margaret aka snoball

    • Texasjune says:

      Margaret, I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to take in what that responsibility must be like. I’m still speechless. (yep, that’s rare; i better go get a cup of coffee and a tissue)

  2. shoreacres says:

    My goodness. I found you at belle’s, and was astonished when I read this post. It’s of some comfort to know others are going through the same thing.

    My mother just died a month or so ago, at the age of 93. She still was in her own home, and I was her primary caregiver – for 15 years! My goodness – talk about a great gap opening up in one’s life! The first month I was simply busy, clearing things out, taking care of paperwork and so on. Now, with the “tasks” mostly done, it’s a little astonishing to look around and think, “Now what?”

    That focused world – it’s so true. Losing a mother is one thing, but losing a mother/child/friend/practically roommate is something else. Ten days after her death, I had to force myself to sit down and eat a dinner alone – it had been years since I’d done that.

    Words of wisdom on rebuilding life? I don’t have any yet. But there’s no question the issues will pop up in my own blog from time to time – after all, at 65 years of age, I need to get cracking!

    Now I have to go see if you’ve said anything about where you’re living. Texasjune suggests – well, Texas, and I’m just south of Houston.

    • Texasjune says:

      It’s a pleasure to hear from you. We’re at Lake Whitney (south of DFW). According to the weather reports, you’re probably getting rain tonight! Thank you for responding to my post. My friend does have family that loves her very much. I just want her to regain the strength and confidence to move forward. She’s an awesome friend.

  3. It’s never easy to lose a loved one and I know when my father passed away it was hard on all of us especially my mother. But she has moved forward, taking a step each day, she surrounded herself with friends and family. There is not a day goes by that she doesn’t miss my father but she also keeps herself busy in volunteering, bridge clubs, and socializing with friends. We have to remember to move forward because that is what our loved ones would want πŸ™‚

    • Texasjune says:

      That’s an excellent point. I think that’s exactly what her husband would want. He appreciated all she did for him and was a realist (from the best I could tell). Thank you.
      BTW, I have really been enjoying your blog. I look forward to it every day.

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